10 things I’d like to see happen this summer…

Here are a few things I’d like to see change this summer as the World Cup approaches.

1) Some decent Kits

Nike’s whole line last time around looked like complete garbage. Bring back the classic Adidas look of the past.

2) No Swiss referees

Why give the limeys ammunition come crunch time?

3) An immediate red card to any and all divers

Because this ain’t the olympics.

4. Drop all hooligans off in Harlem with no bus fare home

If it seems a bit extreme, then it’s probably because you’ve never been smacked in the head while cheering on your team.

5. A first-round exit for the English

Sorry guys, but the hype is really insufferable even after you eventually lose.

6. A first-round drubbing for Korea

So I won’t have to see repeats of ‘02 on the television ad nauseum.

7. Two underdogs make it to the quarterfinals

Anybody, as long as they play like Cameroon in ‘90, Bulgaria in ‘94, Croatia in ‘98, and Turkey in ‘02. Who can deny it was fun watching the big boys get knocked out in fine style?

8. Ronaldo warming the bench from start to finish

Because sometimes keeping your mouth shut is the astute thing to do.

9. No candy bar or Coca-Cola advertisements, please

Because which national team player eats/drinks any of that stuff come game time?

and finally,

10. Would somebody please tape the finals for me?

I’m getting married on the 8th. Wages of sin.